My favourite African quips

These are different short conversations I have collected during the trip.

1. Me: what do you think a rhino looks like? My dad: a cross between an elephant, a dinosaur and a lawnmower.
2. Me: here are the chic shacks. My mum: these chic shacks are false advertising; they should be called shabby chic.
3. My brother: look at the great migration. My dad: I think there are 4 million. Me: don't exaggerate -- there are only about 12 million
4. A person who worked in a lodge we stayed at called veronica: I am veronica what is my sons name. My mum: my son is called Azai. Veronica: my son is handsome (referring to Azai).
5. My dad: should I go right or left. The lady who had hitched a ride in our car: yes.
6. My dad:where is the noah bus. A bus driver: over here. My dad: this is not a noah bus. The bus driver: yes it is. My dad: no where is the noah bus. The bus driver: but this one is more express than noah.
7. The nurse: I am just going to flush your cannula. My brother: no. The nurse started. My brother: I'm going to shoe you out of the hospital. The nurse continues. My brother kicks the nurse on the belly. After being kicked three times the nurse storms out. I'm glad my brother doesn't speak Swahili.
8. My brother: why is it so sunny. My dad: then put on your sunglasses. Me: they call it a desert for a reason. My brother puts on the sunglasses my brother: it just went darker; it is like someone turned on battery saver.

Tazara Part 2: On the Train

If you haven't read Tazara yet, you should as this is the second part of Tazara.

I did not know what a 24hour train ride would be like as the longest train ride I had been on was 4 hours, and I got bored on that so I did not know what it would be like; but it was not bad at all.

What to do on a train

1. Breathe, the air is not toxic
2. Eat, the restaurant was not bad at all
3. Drink, the water was not poisoned (at least the bottle water--the water in the tap probably was!)
4. Sleep, the beds were ok
5. Buy bananas out the window
6. Go to the bar to get my dad (who doesn't deserve it) a beer; as he thinks Zambian beer is the best beer and our train started in Zambia
7. Play on our tablets
8. Look out the window

This might not seem very fun, but I enjoyed it, mostly because the toilets were a hole in the train and you had to pee and poo on the tracks. We have heard the train breaks down sometimes, and there were also delays so our ride was not the worst it gets.

Information

I am not the one who usually does this as my dad is the one always telling people to stay longer; but in this case it is my job as I am sitting in a car whilst writing this. Don't blame me if this is not all correct, as I am not the one who tells people to stay longer but I think it is right.

• Take the express train for the same price but nicer
• They are always sold out, but if you are there on the day you will be able to get them, as in Zambia they always have extra cabins
• The express train runs on Wednesday from Mbeya to Dar.
• It is always late
• The queue is long
• Bring water with you onto the train, as the bar only has small bottles.
• Don’t bring beer: I can’t drink but my dad likes Zambia's beer, which you get on the train, much more than Tanzanian beer.

MY DAD IS NOW DOING HIS JOB FINISHING THE INFORMATION AS I FOUND IT BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Malawi itinerary by my dad. He is boring but likes telling people to stay 6 weeks longer and go to malawi.

This runs from Zambia to Tanzania, but you can do it either way round.

Start at beautiful South Luangwa National Park in Zambia.

Get a taxi or the green bus to the border.

Cross the border, get a taxi to the next town, and then get a shared mini-bus to Lilongwe.

Buy supplies and get money in Lilongwe--lots of places in Malawi don't have ATMs. There are good ATMs in the shopping centre with Game. The bar at Mabuya Camp is a great place to meet people, but the accommodation there is a bit tired. We stayed in an A Frame because we hadn't bought our tend yet--Raf was right that we should have bought a tent as soon as we arrived in Malawi--but we would have been happier camping. If you meet someone from the tobacco industry, ask them to arrange for you to visit the sales halls or one of the factories--really interesting and a real antidote to smoking. We met the founder of Mosamba Cafe and Gardens, and although we didn't get a chance to visit, it sounds really good.

Visit Dedze Rock Art on the way to Cape Maclare. We didn't, but I wish we'd known about it when we were planning our transport from Lilongwe to Cape Maclare.

Cape Maclare is fine, but there are lots of nicer places on the lake, so go straight to Kayak Africa's beautiful Domwe Island for a few nights (or even more beautiful Mombo Island if you like spending money more than we do ;-) If you want to stay with a really helpful local and get a sense of Cape Maclear as a village rather than just a resort - and you don't need air con - Jay and Siobhan's place is a good bet.

From Cape Maclare, head down to Zomba to hike the plateau. If you plan in advance, you may be able to get space to stay at the CCAP Cottage on the top of the Plateau--we were too last minute, so we stayed at the bottom at Pakachere, which has a great vibe in the bar, nice workspace and a nice garden, and is currently getting refurbished. Zomba deserves at least two nights.

From Zomba, head down to Likhubula to climb Mt Mulanje. Mulanje is a fantastic (and very affordable) climb. Stay at Likhubula Forest Lodge and enjoy their great food and hospitality. Reception at Likhubula isn't great, but fortunately my lovely wife has gotten them on Airbnb, so you can book online. To learn about getting a guide a climbing the mountain, check out my Trip Advisor on this.

After climbing Mulanje, go hang out in Blantyre to rest, recover and resupply. Have a great Italian meal in at L'Hostaria, one of the only Italian restaurants in Africa that could make it in Europe, visit Food Lovers Market for a western-style shopping experience, and resupply at Game and Shopright before heading onwards.

From Blantyre, you can cycle with antelopes and fish at Game Haven or do a coffee tour at Satemwa, but when you're done in that end of the world, head up to Monkey Bay, stay one night at Mufasa Eco Lodge, and the get the once-weekly Ilala Ferry to beautiful Likoma Island. Make sure to resupply with cash in Blantyre or Monkey though, because there's no ATM on Likoma. You can easily walk from Musafa to the Ilala Port, especially if you have a jet pack like Rafael and Azai.

The Ilala is really cool. The food is good and reasonably priced. If you can't get a cabin, get a first class ticket and pitch your tent on the deck. Here are the details to book a cabin, which the Ilala seem to keep as a closely guarded secret!

The Ilala is definitely African transport--it will arrive late and getting off is a stressful and wet experience, but once you're in Likoma, stay at Mango Drift to relax, swim, and eat Mangoes from the trees. The communal dinner in the beach is particularly lovely. If you have time, there's a single lodge of Chizimula, which is really cool. When you're done with the Islands, take the Ilala or the Chambo to Nkata Bay, where they have a dock that let's you quickly disembark without getting wet!

In Nkhata Bay, stay at Mayoka Village, enjoy pizza night, and sub and snorkel--fabulous. Butterfly Space is also great. If you have kids, send them to school at Good Hope or Stepping Stones, and enjoy some time without kids.

From Nkhata Bay, kayak up the coast with Monkey Business (based at Butterfly Space) for three days to Usisya or four days to Zulukoni. We went to Usisya Beach Eco Lodge, but if I had had my way, we would have gone on to Zulukoni. From Zulukoni, you can hike and boat to Mushroom Farm--call Mushroom Farm in advance to organise that leg. It will be a real adventure and much better than just driving from Nkata Bay to Mushroom.

Enjoy the vegetarian food at Mushroom, and then head across the border to Tanzania. Go hiking in the mountains, and then consider getting the Tazara Railway to Dar. Raf's written a great post about that!

Eco building

Across Africa, you will come across lots of eco lodges. Eco lodges do not have any certification that makes them eco lodges, but they all have one thing in common.

Eco building

Eco building has been adopted differently between each country, but the concept is the same. Examples of eco building are:

1. Eco toilets
2. Eco cottages (with my fat dad)
   
3. Eco dorms
4. Eco showers

How to build an eco cottage

Materials:

1. Volcanic soils
2. Wood
3. Wooden planks
4. Grass
5. Glass jars
6. Mud
7. Cement
8. Volcanic rocks
9. Pebbles from the streams
10. Water
11. Metal rods
12. Solar panels
13. Shower
14. Mirror
15. Bicycle chains
16. Animal skins
17. Toilet
18. Bin
19. Rope
20. Glue
21. Mattress
22. Pillow
23. Sheet
24. Tap
25. Sink
26. Lights

This might seem like it is not an eco cottage, but it is: the numbers match above.

1. The government gives them a free permit as Kilimanjaro has plenty of it.
2. It is an invasive species, and it drinks 50L a day and needs to be cut down; therefore they are paid for cutting them to build.
3. It is wood that was for furniture but was damaged and would have been burnt so they get it for free.
4. It is not grass -- it is the rice husk, so farmers pay them to use it as it would have to be burnt otherwise.
5. They are the glass jars that the lodge uses so it comes free.
6. It is mud that has gotten on the road so the government pays them to remove it.
7. This comes at a cost as people need cement.
8. Free permit there is no shortage on Kilimanjaro.
9. The locals dig them up from the water in rivers but are quite cheap.
10. In Africa, you mix your own cement.
11. These are cheap but necessary.
12. These work perfectly when you have an African sun.
13. This is necessary.
14. This comes at the normal cost.
15. Old ones are not too useful and make good decorations.
16. If you are a butcher you have lots of them extra.
17. This is also necessary.
18. A bin is useful if you have rubbish.
19. Even if it is an eco cottage people want nice bathrooms.
20. Damaged wood is often too weak to have a nail in it.
21. People like a comfy bed.
22. People like a comfy bed.
23. People like a comfy bed.
24. This is necessary
25. This is necessary
26. Even in Africa, not every day is sunny.

I think this type of building is really cool, and I am surprised how much eco building there is in Africa. Some eco lodges are:

• Mushroom Farm
• Mayoka village
• usisya beach lodge 
• mountain bikes house
• mufasa eco lodge

Tazara: The copper railway

Tazara was built originally as a way for Zambia to export copper from the copper belt without going through any white countries. When we came to Africa the we only had three things we knew we were doing South Luangwa, Cape Town and Tazara so we really wanted to do it.

We had planned to take it from Kapiri Mposi where it starts but that did not happen and, when we tried to take it from South luangwa we were told no tourist had ever done that plus 3days before we were going to leave South luangwa we decided to go to Malawi.

When we arrived in Mbeya, Tanzania, we finally got our chance to take Tazara. We went to the station 3days before the train was going to come. When we got to the station we talked to the person at the sales counter and he told us that they had sold out 3 weeks ago. I declared 3 as my favourite number 3 days ago so that is why everything is 3, (it was just by coincidence though.)

We came back the day that the train was going to leave at 1p.m. to try and get tickets. After an hour of waiting in queues we got tickets as someone cancelled, then we had to wait in another half hour queue to collect the tickets. At 3 my mum and brother came as my dad and I had gone to get the tickets so we went to sit on the grass on the platform but 20seconds after we had sat down in our nice spot I mean 3 seconds after we had sat down in our nice spot we got told you can't sit on the platform until the train is there. 

After being relocated to a small piece of concrete, we sat down to wait, but we did not know what we were in for.

What to do when you are waiting for your train:

• Read
• Look around
• Stare at the concrete
• Be bored
• Pee in the bush
• Get hungry and order burgers
• Call the burger shop as they have not come after 3 minutes (it was actually 3 minutes this time.)
• Call the burger shop again
• Call the burger shop another time
• Call the burger shop again and they tell you the driver is on the way
• Call them again, and they tell you to look for someone bald on a motorbike with a basket.
• Call them, and they tell you he should be here.
• Look at every motorbike that goes past
• Look at some more motorbikes
• Get our food
• Eat it and still be hungry
• Think every noise is the train and walk to the platform
• When the train arrives go to the wrong entrance
• Finally get on the train

Mafia Island

You may think this is about Mafia island, but it is not; it is about the 30 minute journey to Mafia.

We left our flat in Dar at 9:15 to go to the airport. We had been told by some other travellers that the small planes are in Terminal 3, so we arrived at Terminal 3, and thought it was a bit big but went in anyway. When we were inside, we asked the Air Tanzania person where Coastal Aviation was; she said Terminal 3 is where Air Tanzania flies the Dreamliner from so we got back in our Uber and went to Terminal 1.

When we arrived at Terminal one, it was a lot more like what I had expected there were 2 x-ray machines and it was not very big. We found the Coastal Aviation office and they took our bags and then we went to wait. After a half hour wait we got called to board the plane. We waited in the queue, but there were only 3 other people so you couldn’t call it a queue,/ but we waited to board the plane.

After a 30 second wait maybe even shorter we had gotten our tickets checked, and were walking to the plane. I was not expecting what it would be like.There were about 100 planes all the same model, all one propeller, and they all were different airlines. Each airline had about 3 planes and I don’t understand how they all stay in business.

We boarded the plane (that had 12 seats) and me and my brother immediately went to get our seats at the front of the plane. We put our seat belts on and we were off. Usually you get the briefing via speakers but here the pilot turned around and spoke to us. It was really cool as there was no door between the pilot and us so we could see what they were doing. The plane was not pressurised so we could not go that high but we still went above the clouds. When we were looking out the window there were some small islands with nothing in them apart from trees but there was also the vast Indian Ocean. When the journey was coming to an end we saw the Mafia Airport; it was a runway 20 meters long and a building with one room and one x-ray machine and a table to get your bags.

If you actually want to read about Mafia island look at my other Mafia Island posts.

We stayed at Juani Beach Bungalows.

Mafia Island 2: Whale Sharks

Off the coast of Tanzania lies one of the best wildlife experiences I have ever had.

At 7:00am, we got in the boat and headed out. After about 3 minutes, we were told to get our snorkels and flippers on and to get ready to get in. By now we had seen the fins of some of the sharks, but we had no idea what we were in for. We were the first mizungus (white people) on the ocean, and the other people were fishermen who had no interest in the whale sharks and tried to stay clear of them because if they went in the nets they would tear and whale sharks can be dangerous when you are in a boat made from one tree trunk.

When we got in the water, we started swimming but missed the first one but instead of going back to the boat we were told to go to the left. When we had got about five meters to the left, we saw our first whale shark tail as we were not fast enough to see the shark. Then as we swam more, we saw another one. This one was whole. It was murky, and the whale shark was quite deep so it was not that impressive, but as it was our first one we found it amazing.

After that, we saw a few other whale sharks and then got in the boat and went to the next spot. This time there were more whale sharks, and we saw some really big ones. I panicked twice when I was swimming back to the boat and I saw a whale shark coming towards me with its mouth open. Although the whale shark does not eat humans, its mouth opens a meter wide so I could have easily swam in.

Chasing the whale sharks was also fun as they only swim at 3 miles an hour and surface and then go under so you can see them from above. The whale sharks have gills behind their heads, and when it is passing you actually see the size of the gills and the length of the shark.

FUN FACTS WHALE SHARK:

1. A whale shark in swahili is papa putwe.
2. Females our bigger than males.
3. Whale sharks are the biggest fish.
4. Whale sharks live in water hotter than 27 degrees.
5. Whale sharks have a camouflage of random stripes and dots.
6. Whale sharks are known as gentle giants.
7. Whale sharks have a lifespan of 70-150 years.
8. A whale shark can filter 6,000 liters of water through its gills in an hour.
9. Only 10% of Whale sharks born make it to adulthood.
10. A female gives birth to 300 whale sharks a year.

As an example of how calm whale sharks are, at one time I was told to jump out the boat so I jumped and landed on top of the whale shark and had to huddle against the boat so the sharks tail would not hit me as that is the only part of the shark that is dangerous.